No Strings Attached (for Dummies)

​Agent Mia’s

Diary of a Stupid Alcoholic

Presents

No Strings Attached 

(for Dummies)
A lot of people want to have ‘relations’ without the drama and stress of relationships which is commonly known as ‘friends with benefit’. More often than not we hear people say that is impossible that at least one person (usually the girl) if not both of them end up catching feelings. Well the good news is that they are wrong. It is very possible as long as you stick by certain very important rules. Ladies might find this more useful as most guys are born with ‘no strings attached’ in their DNA so they don’t catch feelings as easily as ladies. Guys are blessed with the spirit of ‘Gbera’ (get up and go)

Here are some tips/ rules to maintain a healthy ‘friends with benefit’ relationship. 

It is important to always remember that in everything you do, make sure no strings are attached. DISTANCE is the major key. How do you maintain a safe distance?

1) Timing: don’t see too often. Out of sight is out of mind they say. When you don’t see for a while, you don’t get to start thinking about the person unnecessarily. Preferably don’t even pick fixed dates to see; every two weeks or every 3rd friday. No. Don’t do that. it gives you something to think about. Just see when you see.

2) Avoid constant communication: “I just called to check up on you”? Don’t make it often at all. Once in a blue moon. Once it gets  often like 3/4 times a week, my dear you are already Mr and Mrs. 

3) Avoid long conversation: That thing can get you thinking about stuff you have no business thinking about. Keep it short and simple.

4) Watch your language: Keep the language very ‘my guy’-ish. Talk to him/her like you’ll talk to your homies. If you can use ‘dear, boo, hun’ with your homies feel free but then again the tone matters. No low voice or sheepish smiles (especially for the ladies) once you find yourself doing that, check yourself o. Feelings will soon start knocking.

5) Not a talk buddy: your friend with benefit should under no circumstance be your talk buddy i.e the one you want to tell everything to. The one you want to talk to when you’re sad or happy or just chatty. My people it cannot work oooo!!!. If your ‘friend with benefit’ is your talk buddy, my dear you’re in a serious relationship without a title.

6) No unnecessary hangouts: your friend with benefit is the last person you should call up to go somewhere with. You might tell yourselves “it’s just a friendly outing” but trust me you’re registering some unnecessary, unwanted vibes in your head without knowing it because might become “cool to hangout” and when you hangout in public together like a show or movies then you move to “let’s grab lunch” then dinner then 5,4,3,2,1… “baby I’ve been calling you all day. Where are you?” you’ve got yourself a relationship my friend.

7) See other people: the moment you begin to focus on one person, it is inevitable that that person will find his/her way into somewhere in your head that you don’t want them to be. Once you find yourself in a position where you’re turning other people down because of that person, it’s time to Usain Bolt on that person. Run and don’t look back because if you do, you might as well start thinking of baby names.

8) No Lies: if you really want a ‘no strings attached ‘ thing and not a relationship there’s no need to lie about anything. Lay all the facts down on the table straight up. Make sure you both know and agree to being strictly friends with benefit because when you give the other person the wrong impression. Whatever happens to you is completely on you. 

For them extremists, you know the ones that can almost fall in love if you say hello, the rules are way more extreme if you really want to try out friends with benefits. There are a few extra tips.

1) No calling at all except to hook up.

2) No talking about anything personal.

3) No sleepovers.

4) No cuddling.

Infact just do your business and that’s about it because the way they fall in love when they fall out… That is a story for another day.

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