It was a very quiet afternoon she remembers the day a little girl was robbed of the pureness of her mind. Her parents and sisters had gone out she was home alone with her grandma.
There was a knock at the day. It was the man her mum had talked about before they left who was coming to fix the DStv. She had asked her to show him to the rooms that needed to be connected and to make sure they were all working before he left.
As she came to check the work when he was done, he was unnecessarily chatty. She didn’t care or worry. Adults get unnecessarily chatty sometimes. Nothing new. “How old are you” he said “12” she replied as she was excited she’d soon finally be a teenager “What class?” He asked. “Jss2” she replied. As they confirmed the first television was working, he threw himself on her in a tight, unexpected embrace. “That was weird” she thought to herself. “Well maybe he’s been trying it for a while and is just excited it finally worked”. On confirming that the second TV was working he grabbed her firmly and put his mouth on her mouth which was open in shock and planted his disgusting tongue into her mouth and the more she tried to struggle to push him away or scream for help or something the tighter he held her. He suddenly let her go. Probably from the fear of the neighbours car horn which sounded so close. He then said sorry. He tried to say something else but she ran away before he could. She had never felt such fear in her life. What would he have done to her. She ran to her room and let the tears flow as she couldn’t stop them. She finally decided to go and tell her grandmother. “Grandma that man touched me” was all she could say as she was too embarrassed to explain. Her grandma called the man and said “My grandbaby said you touched her. is it true?” the fact that she asked ‘is it true?’ already sent the girl to her grave. He replied “how can I do such a thing? My last born is older than her sef” and her grandma apologised to the bastard. That pig, that bastard.
She always knew she was alone but it was at that moment she really realised just how alone she was. She didn’t blame her grandma for anything. She was just an old lady but she couldn’t help feeling like nothing. More empty and shitty than she had ever felt.
She went to brush her teeth with so much toothpaste trying to scrub all the disgust she felt off her tongue wishing she could scrub her soul and scrub the feeling off.
Why me? Why did he want to do that to me? She thought as her soul bleed but not a tear fell from her eyes anymore. She was dry. There was a rock where her heart used to be. Now she fears everyone. The fear in her soul would kill an army. She could never trust a soul.
“You need to see a psychologist” they say. If only they knew how much she feared the people who don’t even know her, they’d know how much fear she’d have for someone she was telling everything about herself. She’d probably die of paranoia.
Everyone is out to hurt her. Everyone wants to make a fool of her. They’re laughing. She doesn’t know why. ‘They’re laughing at her’ is her next thought. He blinked twice in one second. “I should run”. “They are whispering about me”. They are all lying about everything. It’s all part of a grand plan to finally drive her mad!
It’s not trust issues anymore. It’s the world’s greatest paranoia. This is no way for a young girl to live. It’s no way for anyone to live.
Pills, greens, liquor, lean, music… Life support.